I need you to answer a question for me…You have just got back from your honeymoon, now does life just go back to how it was prior to when you got married or does there need to be a change?
Now if you stated that life just goes back to how it was before you got married, then I say, get a marriage counsellor now and get help!
Change is crucial, this has to be the time to focus on each other and concentrate on building a strong and lasting marriage, the problem is how do you do that?
The most compelling (and circumstantiated) way you can carry through a strong marriage is by learning how to communicate with each other. You see, lack of communication is one of the top reasons that marriages fall apart and couples get divorced, so this is one area that you need to work hard and diligently on. So often couples have this vision of what their marriage will be like but they usually differ dramatically from what their spouse envisions. Individuals are not mind readers and no, murmurs and rolling eyes are not considered communicating.
As mentioned in my first blog post, my relationship with my wife was at the point of almost no return. Why? Because my wife and I thought we knew each other and could not understand why things were falling apart. You see, I thought that life for me would not change, I could still hang out with my friends when ever I wanted, go to the bar after work and whatever else I wanted or felt like. My wife on the other hand felt betrayed and taken for granted. She would try and give me hints, but to avoid arguments would not come right out and say anything. I need too detail two vital points here
- Hints do not work. Guys are stupid when it comes to taking hints from a spouse, so wives… Don’t waste your time with it. Say it out loud if you want it heard. If you think that it is your spouse’s fault that they are not taking hints, then give your head a shake. If you do not tell them directly then the fact is it is your fault!
- Life changes… This is a hard pill to swallow but you spouse has to be the most important person in your life. Saying, they are, is one thing but actions speak much louder then words. Show them they are by putting time with them as your number one priority.
Sadly it took us having to go to months of marriage counseling before we realized that this was the root of all out issues.
Divorce is an ugly thing and way too often it is a quick fix that only hides the issues. People fall head over heals in love (infatuation) and then as that wears off they think that the spark is gone and love is lost forever. What I say to that is get your head out of the clouds and start looking in the mirror. If all you are looking for is that puppy love feeling that you get when you first meet someone then do not bother getting married.
Why do I say that?
Every married couple will go through the transition of infatuation dissolving away and one of two things happens. Either a foundation of communication and respect has been built that leads to a stronger deeper, more passionate relationship or your feelings for that person disappear because you do not even know who they are.
The secret to creating an incredible marriage is communication and here are a few simple ways that you can learn to communicate better with your spouse.
- Do not go to bed mad. The Bible even says this, so it must be very important. If you go to bed mad, your mind goes repeatedly the offense that you think your spouse has committed against you, which makes you even madder. Do not let anger and irritation become a wedge between you and your new husband or wife. Make up before going to sleep.
- Kiss daily. Kiss and hug your spouse every day. Touch is important in making us feel connected to another person.
- Realize that your spouse cannot be all things to you. Your spouse cannot complete you. The earlier that you learn this, the better off that you will be. Only God can complete you. If you married your spouse expecting them to complete you, you will be in for a huge disappointment.
- Realize that it is now “we” instead of just “I”. When making decisions you need to consult your spouse. It is no longer all about you and what you want.
- Forgive. Forgive your spouse when they hurt you. They are not perfect and neither are you.
- Be honest. Tell your spouse the truth about everything, including finances. This will build trust in you and in your word. This will help to build a marriage that can weather any storm
- Keep God first. If you keep Him first, then everything else will fall into place. Read your Bible and pray together. This builds a strong marriage that is built on an impenetrable foundation.
Marriage is more then just a short term agreement it needs to be a life long vow. Staying married, no matter what trials and tribulations come your way, needs to be the main objective. Anyone can be married but creating a strong and healthy marriage takes hard work and time. Ensure you stay connected with your partner by talking with them every single day.
Speak to you soon… and remember this is all free so share it with others!
Tags: Marriage, Marriage and Family
