Marriage and divorce don’t go very well together. On the other hand, a divorce doesn’t necessarily mean that a couple have to be enemies. We are used to expect that a divorce must end bitterly and seemingly look for reasons to have a bitter divorce. However, this doesn’t need to be the case at all. If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, it is hard enough to handle the pain of the separation, why make it more painful than it needs to be?

Divorcing your spouse doesn’t have to be a time of bliss but it doesn’t have to be a bitter combat either. While it may be tough to see what you ever found appealing about your spouse, remember at one time there was love. Although love may have evolved into discontentment, you have no reason to try to make a painful situation worse than it needs to be. You can go through a divorce without severe pain if you can remember to take into consideration the other person’s feelings.

Try to think of ways to make the divorce as gently and friendly as possible. If you have children, invite your spouse over for dinner and have a meal together as a family unit. If your children are involved in sports, still sit together at sporting events and maintain a connection of sports for the sake of your common children.

A divorce has never been easy but mature adults with a good mental balance can maintain a lifetime positive relationship even after the demise of the marriage. After all, with or without children from your marriage, you will always have some sort of relation to one another.

If you have in-laws that you have a strong relationship to, try to maintain the friendly relationship and love that you have with your spouse’s family. If you were close to members of his or her family, you can keep them close to your heart even after a divorce. However, you should know when to back away. When the time comes and your ex chooses to take another significant other home to meet the family, respectfully back off and accept your new position as the ex.

The flip side of the in-law coin is of course true relief if you didn’t get along with your spouse’s family. If you had a controlling father or monster in-law then there is no reason for you to feel like you have to continue that relationship with your ex-spouse’s family. As a matter of fact, if you have children, it is perfectly OK to cut all ties with the in-laws and respectfully ask the court to mandate that the ex-spouse be responsible for all connections to his or her family where the children are involved.

If your spouse is particularly hurt by the divorce which you initiated, then take the time to call and check on them from time to time. However, do not lead them into false hope. Also if you initiated the divorce, never sabotage a brewing new relationship your ex may have started. Even if you initiated the divorce, a new love interest may stir feelings you never expected, such as jealousy, hate and rage. However, keep in mind the reasons you chose to divorce and focus clearly on them.

Tags: Marriage and Family, Relationships